My crazy amazing friend, Karyn, is trying to sleep but i keep sending her texts, which she patiently replies to each one. She's a trooper. But they are somehow getting shorter and shorter each time she replies. Cant really blame her too much. 

Her last text simply said, "Its hard to give grace when you are hurting." 

Touche. 

This last week has been a bit hard, my emotions have been fiercely hit. But tonight I forgot to give that one person I know who really needs a break and a huge portion of grace and instead probably hurt them even more, which sucks a lot.

And what strikes me as a bit funny, a little ironic, and largely sad is that today at my meeting with my mentor, as we were going over a few Psalms and Proverbs, she reminded me that we can feel anger but choose grace. And God delights in that. He has called us to that... As part of the, you know, "love your neighbor as yourself" golden rule.

So, you have an emotion that mostly you create (or a reaction to a situation), but He gives us the choice of truth (and action from the situation). Really, its our call. As His follower, we are called to honor Him in these daily, and often minute-by-minute, decisions.

Reading in the Psalms and Proverbs really gives you a bitter-sweet appreciation for these times when we feel all of these emotions that are not always necessarily valid. It brings me a great heap of humility (which I often need- He knows me so very well). It draws my efforts to more of a dependancy on His strength by showing me how weak I am. And it gives me an insight and focus on the areas that we need to work on within me to better live in His will (like GRACE and confidence in His love)

Painful, but refreshing.

I am reminded that my imperfections are OK, that He loves me right where I am. I dont need to be like "her" to be loved (because I already am), and I dont need to be like "her" to be satisfied or confident (because only He really satisfies and should be my confidence). 

A few days ago, as i was driving and praying to God what was on my heart, I was asked if I knew He loved me. I said yes. Then, in an answer just as simple as Karyn's text, He said, "I always provide for the ones I love." Thats all I needed to hear. And what grace that He gave me! I dont deserve it, yet He always provides it.

So, now its time to go out and learn how to give this grace when I'd rather be angry, and to wait on His timing to bless me with these things on my heart which only He can satisfy.